Friday, December 16, 2016

American Poltergeist

Ever sat down to watch a movie and as you watch you think, 'I should go and do the dishes'. That's what I felt as I watched this travesty of a movie. My fellow horror movie fans, prepare for the worst telling of the Lizzie Borden story ever!
As I said, this film revolves around the Lizzie Borden legend. A group of collage students decide to move into the supposedly historical Borden house, unaware of its history. One of the girls apparently is a descendant of the Borden's. A fact she is unaware of. Upon getting into the house, the girl feels that there is something wrong and soon her and her friends are fighting the spirit of Lizzie Borden.
If I sound bored, its because I was. I mean...what the hell was that???? Seriously! I've seen bumper stickers with more depth than this. First off, the camera work was not even mediocre It looked like a really piss poor collage student film that got an 'F'. The acting was just as bad. It was horrible. I'm all for bringing in no-name actors, but only if they got skill. I've seen porn stars deliver more believable lines. The characters, I couldn't care less of. I was actually waiting for them to drop dead so the movie could end. I don't even remember their names. And don't get me started on the so called Borden house. It was a modern day nightmare. I would never believe that house was over 100 years old.
I would not recommend this movie to my worst enemy. It would violate the Geneva Convention. If your looking to get so bored that you decide to do house work, be my guest. I know I was inspired to get my housework done. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna watch some Ghost Adventures. You get a history lesson, a half decent scare, and guys yelling 'bro' and 'dude'.